Present Tense »

• Your DIY guide to Irish etiquette

  April 25, 2008 @ 9:58 am | by Shane Hegarty

  On an old post about a somewhat bizarre guide to Irish etiquette, Charlton from Singapore has left a comment:

  Hello, I come from Singapore and i’m currently doing an assignment in which i will have to know more about Ireland’s social etiquette. I would greatly appreciate it if any Ireland people could enlighten me on this aspect. Thanks!

  He leaves an e-mail address on the comment, but here’s a chance to compile our own guide to Irish etiquette right here. We’ll split the publisher’s advance 80/20.

  OK, 75/25. I can’t go any lower than that.

  The floor is yours.

• Mayo: tucked away in a corner of civilization

  March 26, 2008 @ 2:19 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  In 2003, a Danish film-maker identified a Co Mayo village as one of the three places in Europe farthest from an airport, and made a film about it and the two others towns (in Serbia and Sweden).

  All sounds good, until you realise that he doesn’t seem to have counted Knock International Airport as an airport. Whoops. Didn’t he realise that the Virgin Mary wouldn’t put in a promotional appearance for nothing?

  Anyway, the resulting film – a gentle affair – has popped up on YouTube. Warning: this film features occasional clichés.
  (more…)

• St Patrick’s Day: spotter’s guide

  March 14, 2008 @ 8:00 am | by Shane Hegarty

  Local parade grand marshal came fourth in 2005′s You’re A Star: (spotted: __.__)

  Local dance club teens randomly grunt and thrust their way up the main street to Rihanna’s ‘Don’t Stop the Music’: (__.__)

  Clown on stilts frightens the life out of a child: (__.__)

  American tourists attempt flag-waving cheeriness while sheltering from squall: (__.__)

  Local councillor’s chains of office get caught in his belt buckle: (__.__)

  Some very big tractors feature: (__.__)

  Teenager in Celtic shirt pukes on car bonnet: (__.__)

  On the TV round-up, reporter says, “And the man himself was there”, over shot of break-dancing St Patrick doing a headspin: (__.__)

  Newsreader sports spray of shamrock bigger than their own head: (__.__)

  Marty Morrissey reports from club finals while two dozen children, and one middle-aged man, jostle to get in the shot: (__.__)

• Why do we have to go on about “what it means to be Irish”?

  March 13, 2008 @ 10:15 am | by Shane Hegarty

  During the discussion on yesterday’s post, occasional fly in the ointment AE Mouse interrupted our “what it means to be irish fun” to if we are more obssessed with being Irish than other nationalities.

  None of the traits mentioned here apply to me or anyone I know. Does that mean I am not Irish?

  Or maybe it just means I don’t like to define myself as part of the national collective.

  (more…)

• What does it mean to be Irish?

  March 12, 2008 @ 8:18 am | by Shane Hegarty

  

  Given the week that’s in it, I’ve been thinking about what it means to be Irish. Here are some of the things I identified.

  Being Irish means…

  1) Knowing, within two minutes of meeting someone, where they are from, where they are going, who they went to school with and at least one person you have in common.

  2) Never resigning. Ever. No matter how much you screwed up.

  3) Thinking we have the best crisps in the world.

  4) And the best biscuits.
  
  5) Never, ever talking about what you earn.

  6) Always, but always, buying your round. Even if there are 43 people in it and you’re tens of thousands of euro in debt. And your doctor has told you that one more drink will kill you. (more…)