Given the week that’s in it, I’ve been thinking about what it means to be Irish. Here are some of the things I identified.

Being Irish means…

1) Knowing, within two minutes of meeting someone, where they are from, where they are going, who they went to school with and at least one person you have in common.

2) Never resigning. Ever. No matter how much you screwed up.

3) Thinking we have the best crisps in the world.

4) And the best biscuits.

5) Never, ever talking about what you earn.

6) Always, but always, buying your round. Even if there are 43 people in it and you’re tens of thousands of euro in debt. And your doctor has told you that one more drink will kill you.

7) Getting the joke in the Carlsberg “Irish” ad.

8 ) Swearing.

9) Knowing that any start time is an approximate time, and that you can add at least 15 minutes on to pretty much everything, from flights to rugby internationals.

10) Never wearing a giant green hat.

11) Looking forward to funerals.

12) Believing that the old days – you know, the time when we locked up mothers, stole their babies, beat children, protected paedophiles, allowed priests to rule communities, kept terrible secrets, emigrated, had no money or jobs – were the golden days.

[As has been pointed out several times now, today's Irish Times front page picture (above) seems to disprove the point about never wearing giant green hats. However, I would still argue that we would never wear them in Ireland, in the same way that we would only wear leprechaun outfits when visiting Twickenham.]