Present Tense

  • Bad hair decade

    August 30, 2007 @ 2:50 pm | by Shane

    hair1.jpg

    Not for the first time this month I found myself staring at some teenage boy’s deliberately catastrophic haircut and wondering if we are living through the age of the Worst Hairstyle Ever.

    There have been bad hairstyles in other decades (there have been bad hairstyles in every decade), and teenagers are not uniquely susceptible to the problem (eg, the recent fashion for the “hung-over robot with an asymmetrical mullet” look among twenty-something hipsters).

    However, what makes this current style so individual is that it can be an amalgamation of much of the previous list of worst haircuts of all-time: bleaches stripes, leopard spots, steps, mohawks, shaved patterns, mullets, spikes, mohicans, the Vanilla Ice, the flock of seagulls. Throw in a perm, and all will be complete.

    Actually, does this style even have a name. The Catastrophe? The What-The-F***? The Collision?

    All generations have a right to do stupid things with their hair (it appears to be a genetic impulse). But in 15 years time there’ll be a lot of guys looking back at their debs pictures and shaking their heads … their balding, conservatively-coiffed heads.

  • This week’s big festival…

    August 29, 2007 @ 5:01 pm | by Shane

    b6man2916.jpg

    …is the Burning Man in the Nevada desert. (What else could it be?)

    No “posh washes”. No umbrella stalls. No sponsored stages. No clothes.

    Instead, there is a staggering level of imagination, a need for self-sufficiency (in water and food), and a “no spectators, only participants” ethic which encourages some incredible art. I was there in 1999, and it was the most mind-altering/expanding/boggling/melting festival I’ve been at. After 21 years, it faces annual accusations that it’s sold out, but this seems to be only from the perspective of the more rarified levels of Californian hippidom.

    Eight days long, it culminates in the burning of a 40ft sculpture of “the Man” (you may spot the subtle symbolism in that).

    Except that an “attention whore” arsonist has set it on fire four days early. Can’t imagine what he’d do if he saw Antony Gormley’s sculpture.

  • “Real Irish people speak like pirates on amphetamines…”

    August 28, 2007 @ 8:55 pm | by Shane

    An Irish father and son were in the audience of the Conan O’Brien show on Monday night. Three minutes of rib-tickling ensued.
    Link

  • That’s no moon…

    @ 5:41 pm | by Shane

    The original prop lightsaber from Star Wars is to be launched into space to mark the 30th anniversary of the “greatest movie event of a generation to have been subsequently sullied by the worst movie event of a generation”. (more…)

  • The return of Chris Morris

    @ 12:50 pm | by Shane

    Chris Morris is to collaborate with Peep Show writers Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong. No news yet about what they’ll be working on. Morris was last seen in the first series of The IT Crowd, although as Graham Linehan told the Scotsman recently, some of his fans were disappointed with the end product:

    You should have heard some of the Chris Morris fans - they were like Daily Mail readers talking about the paedophile episode of Brass Eye.

    Morris’s last writing credit was Nathan Barley (with Charlie Brooker). Peep Show, meanwhile, is five series in and still cracking. Fingers are duly crossed…

  • The IT Crowd

    August 27, 2007 @ 10:10 pm | by Shane

    Following a weekend away, I’ve finally caught up with Friday night’s episode of Graham Linehan’s The IT Crowd. The first series had unsteady and self-conscious and just not really as funny as the audience laughter wanted it to be. But this episode pretty much nailed it with a decent gag rate, great performances (Chris O’Dowd being the stand out) and three strong, intersecting storylines. (more…)

  • A real Irish Sunday?

    @ 9:12 pm | by Shane

    This is not a novel observation of the Sunday Times (it’s a bloody obvious one in fact) but this weekend’s edition, as so often, showed just how clumsy the Irish content is grafted on.

    There were the usual references and articles that are quite obviously served up to the British readership. A piece about “the military” was about the British armed forces. An article on what you pay for your broadband was purely about the British market. Then again, it’s a British paper. Should we expect their Irish sub-editors to nitpick through every article and localise the references? (more…)

  • Something for the weekend

    August 24, 2007 @ 8:28 am | by Shane

    “Debate” on The Last Word in which David Quinn asks Psychics Live owner Tom Higgins for verifiable proof of astrology. Thrust of the row: “Prove astrology,” says Quinn. “No you prove religion,” says Higgins. “No you prove astrology,” retorts Quinn. “No, you prove religion.” Occassional sensible person texts in to point out that neither is on what you could call solid ground.
    Link
    (more…)

  • Antony Gormley’s sculpture

    August 23, 2007 @ 9:30 am | by Shane

    Antony Gormley has released an image of his proposed 48-metre high Dublin Docklands sculpture. He tells The Irish Times that it will be “like a charcoal drawing against the sky, changing as your position changes in relation to it. Up close you will see through it, in the distance it will cohere into a bodily image.”

    It’ll be two-thirds the height of Liberty Hall, so Dubliners had better like it…

    gormley2.jpg

  • Man vs Toddlers

    August 21, 2007 @ 11:29 am | by Shane

    First, watch this ninja fight between a man and two toddlers here. (via Graham Linehan)

    Then, watch the sequel - involving planks of wood - here.

    Warning: the mother of my child found this difficult to watch. But I’m guessing that no fathers were hurt in the making of this.

  • 10am: Why God doesn’t exist. 11am: Mass

    @ 11:07 am | by Shane

    The 13th European Skeptics Congress takes place in Dublin on 7-9 September. Should be an interesting event, although what they really won’t be able to believe is the price of a pint.

    Among the guest speakers will be the Guardian’s in-house debunker, Dr Ben Goldacre. His Bad Science site is always worth a read, and currently has the entirety of the first part of the recent Dawkins series, in case you missed it.

  • Does everybody have to go to college?

    @ 10:15 am | by Shane

    In today’s Daily Telegraph Andrew O’Hagan has a pop at the proliferation of third-level courses in Britain, but it has an obvious relevance here. He asks would it not be better for a lot of people to get a decent apprenticeship and a job in a company that treats them well rather than spend their time doing a “D.Phil in Pop Management” (looked it up; doesn’t exist, unfortunately). He also has a dig at courses in Artificial Intelligence, which does not go down well with some of those commenting.

    Anyway, the thrust of his arguments is: (more…)

  • Our grá for bad TV

    August 18, 2007 @ 7:35 am | by Shane

    Watching the final of Charity You’re A Star last Sunday night, one thing was quickly apparent. The performance should have convulsed the nation. Ears should have escaped from their lobes; eyes should have popped from their sockets and rolled under the sofa to safety.

    And once Brendan O’Connor had left the screen, the sight of the contestants was astounding and baffling in equal measure. Is this what passes for light entertainment in a modern country? Two decades after the John Player Tops, is it healthy to have a sudden nostalgia for a forgotten era of dancing management consultants and lollipop ladies doing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet? (more…)

  • Call THAT a tower…

    August 17, 2007 @ 5:50 pm | by Shane

    Another poll, this one a little more interesting. 1,000 British tourists were asked for the most disappointing tourist attractions. The result:

    1. The Eiffel Tower
    2. The Louvre (Mona Lisa)
    3. Times Square
    4. Las Ramblas, Spain
    5. Statue of Liberty
    6. Spanish Steps, Rome
    7. The White House
    8. The Pyramids, Egypt
    9. The Brandenburg Gate, Germany
    10. The Leaning Tower of Pisa

    Given that we’re about to be landed with a giant Antony Gormley sculpture, it was interesting that the Angel of the North was number two on the list of disappointing British sights (Stonehenge was number one). I saw the sculpture last weekend, and I thought it was pretty impressive, partly because it is juxtaposed with a dual carriageway.

    An Irish list would be interesting, perhaps featuring the underwhelming Spire and the Paddy-themepark that is Killarney.

  • Most influential comedy poll - Upwardly Mobile edged out

    @ 9:09 am | by Shane

    Finally getting around to this poll on the Most Influential Comedies of all time. The result? That this is a contender for Most Stupid Poll Result of All Time.

    1 Monty Python’s Flying Circus
    2 Only Fools and Horses
    3 Blackadder
    4 Little Britain
    5 The Royle Family
    6 The Morecambe and Wise Show
    7 Spitting Image
    8 The Young Ones
    9 The Office
    10 The Vicar of Dibley

    Little Britain has been around for five minutes, and has influenced nothing obvious since.
    Only Fools and Horses was funny, but it was only in a traditional vein of British comedy that stretched back to Ealing.
    The Vicar of Dibley? It only influences people to switch over.

    There’s a rake of shows missing from the list, including Fawlty Towers, Friday Night Live, Spike Milligans Q, or the satire on The Frost Report that properly carved a fresh direction of comedy. Have I Got News For You spawned a thousand panel shows. And while the Royle Family is deserving, Mrs Merton and Malcolm was Caroline Ahern’s first go at a laugh-free, high-creepiness comedy.

    And with the IT Crowd back on the box tonight next Friday night you could almost get a list out of Graham Linehan’s work alone: Big Train, Brass Eye, The Fast Show, The Day Today. That’s influence.

  • Bad PR

    August 15, 2007 @ 8:31 pm | by Shane

    As a follow on from the PR-related post below, I should admit that I did work in the industry myself for about a year in the late 1990s. I worked first for the Mean Fiddler, a really enjoyable job in which I got to promote top-notch acts, lark around a lot and which made feel like a respected part of the company’s attempts to build a base in Dublin.

    I also worked for MCD.

    To be specific, I worked in the HQ/Hot Press Irish Music Hall of Fame. The museum tried to give a strong sense of just how integral Hot Press Irish music was to the cultural history of post-war Europe. It did this largely through the use of punked-up shop-worn mannequins, holding guitars with broken strings. I recall that as the visitor passed these, the recorded tour would say: “You’re backstage at a rock show. The crowd is going wild with anticipation…”. Except this gave the impression that taking the stage at a packed RDS Arena was a little like stumbling into the shop window of Co Offaly charity shop sometime during 1983.

    Anyway, to conclude, these were the highlights from my time in PR:

    1) Did publicity for gig by Roland “Fine Young Cannibals” Gift at which so few people showed up that he bought a drink for everyone in the audience

    2) Had this conversation with Nick Cave
    Me: “Wow Nick, that was an amazing show, great to have you here, you’re a bit of a hero of mine.”
    Nick: “Tea. Two sugars please.”

    3) Overheard this conversation
    PR girl one: “I had the ‘wazzup!’ Budweiser guys over last week. You know waaaazzzzuupp!”
    PR girl two: “Wow. Waaazzuupp! I’d say they’re cool in real life?”
    PR girl one: “Yeah. They were alright, I suppose.”

    4) Had to ring and pester lots of journalists who are now my colleagues. And was also obstinate when they asked for guest list. They claim not to hold it against me. But sometimes, I wonder…

    UPDATE 22.00
    Jim has just reminded me that I wrote at length about this sometime around 2000, when he edited Muse. Better, he’s dug up the piece. Here it is: (more…)

  • This post is embargoed until Friday

    August 14, 2007 @ 2:19 pm | by Shane

    The front page of this morning’s Metro carries a publicity photo for a new higher diploma in journalism that will be run by, of all people, the Irish Academy of Public Relations. Thanks for telling us how to do our jobs.

    All journalists have to go through PR people on a daily basis, and some of them are decent, hard-working, almost-bullshit-free types, who know when it’s worth pitching to you and when it’s not. But there are a lot who are not. So, in response to the PR industry running courses on journalism, I’m hereby offering to run my own Lower Diploma in Public Relations.

    Lectures will include:
    - How To Embargo All Press Releases, Even When They Are Only For Another Bloody Brand of Slimline Yoghurt
    - Bombarding A Journalist With E-Mails For Products or Events That Are Of No Actual Relevance To That Journalist
    - Continuing To Send Launch Invites To An Editor or Reporter 15 Years After They Have Left The Newspaper
    - How To Give The Impression That Mildly Fruit-Flavoured Water Is A Turning Point In The Evolution Of Mankind

  • Sunderland, Saturday

    August 13, 2007 @ 12:45 pm | by Shane

    Venue: Sunderland v Spurs, Saturday. Mode of transport: bandwagon. dsc00250-1.JPG

    It’s easy to see why this could become an “Irish” club in Britain. A quick flight to Newcastle. Short train ride to the Stadium of Light. Good stadium with good fans making plenty of noise. And no obvious resentment about the Irish newcomers - instead there’s real enjoyment of what the Irish are bringing to the club.

    There’s the danger that the Irish fans will bring a diluted passion, of course. That they’ll come over with more interest in seeing Man U, Chelsea and Liverpool than in Sunderland; that it’ll become a little like those pre-season friendlies when League of Ireland teams are booed by the Irish fans there to see the English team. Plus, as soon as the match was over lots of the blow-ins legged it back to Irish pubs in Newcastle to watch the GAA, so Sunderland itself mightn’t make as much cash is it could out of the new link. And finally if Keano doesn’t last, then interest could drop off quickly.

    But for the moment, there’s the beginnings of something that could lead to Sunderland getting close to being what a taxi driver called “the Celtic of England”. Plus, they’ve got Paul McShane in their team. And he is really bloody good.dsc00237.JPG (more…)

  • Searching for reason

    August 12, 2007 @ 6:03 pm | by Shane

    I was at a farmers’ market last weekend, and alongside the breads, fruit and olive oils was a tarot card reader. It cost €20 for a “reading on a specific topic”. How specific might she be? “You will very soon be ripped off,” she could whisper to any client, “by a middle-aged woman holding a deck of cards.” (more…)

  • Psychic: “I predict a silly season splash”

    August 9, 2007 @ 11:32 am | by Shane

    Now, to the “Irish” Sun, which today leads with a ridiculous story about a psychic “tip-off” dragging gardai to a Co Dublin house, in the hunt for Annie McCarrick. “It was,” said the Sun, “the first major break for the gardai since the 26-year-old American vanished 14 years ago.”

    The first major break? The gardai dug. They found nothing. A psychic tells them to dig deeper, and gets a nice bit of publicity out of sending everyone of a fool’s errand. And the Sun, which would complain about any perceived waste of taxpayers money, encourages just that by giving the pathetic episode a front page splash.

    UPDATE: The search actually took place three months ago, which explains why the report made no mention of when the search took place, and also featured a picture of the “psychic” at the scene.

  • Great white lie

    @ 8:31 am | by Shane

    Britain’s great white shark story was a hoax after all. It was indeed a great white, but it was filmed off South Africa - not England.

    “I took it whilst I was on a fishing trip in Cape Town and just sent it in as a joke,” the cameraman told the Newquay Voice. “I didn’t expect anyone to be daft enough to take it seriously.” (more…)

  • RTE’s autumn schedule: with added Gerry Ryan

    August 8, 2007 @ 2:39 pm | by Shane

    RTE has announced its Autumn schedule, and by god it’s uninspiring. The ‘highlights’: (more…)

  • It’s the Ian Paisley laugh-in!

    @ 11:37 am | by Shane

    ian-paisley.jpg

    The regular sight of Ian Paisley whooping it up with some Irish republican/ leader/ air hostess is becoming increasingly disconcerting (latest example: his guffaw on the front of today’s Irish Times). His swing from obstinate, narrow-minded demagogue to the world’s cuddliest religious fundamentalist has been rapid. What is to follow?

    2008: Guest hosts Ryan Tubridy’s radio show during summer months

    2009: Brings his hilarious, but deeply confessional one-man show, Everyday Is Like Sunday, to Edinburgh

    2010: Tells Hot Press that he ate the odd hash brownie in his youth. “Anyone who went to the Barry School of Evangelism in the early 40s did the same thing. It did us no harm.”

    2011: Competes in Charity You’re A Star, but is beaten in the final by Senator Eoghan Harris

    2012: Is appointed Senator Ian Paisley

  • Some links

    @ 10:40 am | by Shane

    As humanity’s actions lead to the extinction of Yangtze dolphin, we can be next to die out if we follow the lead of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

    Sean Hughes tells the Telegraph that his Madeleine McCann joke was legitimate (more…)

  • How the media works

    August 7, 2007 @ 6:01 pm | by Shane

    The Star’s front page headline: SOCCER ACE DIES IN SMASH
    Why replace an exact five letter word - “crash” - with an alternative? Because, somehow the death of a young man in a road crash isn’t quite big enough unless it’s a “smash” - or, better, a “horror road smash”, as the piece itself elaborates.

  • I punch people in the head, therefore I am.

    @ 2:23 pm | by Shane

    For those who have way too much interest in such things, the book 24 and Philosophy will be published in October. One of those books in which academics examine a major TV show - and ruin the fun in the process - it promises such chapters as:

    - Truth and Illusion in 24 - Jack Bauer: Dionysus in the World of Apollo
    - Living in a World of Suspicion: The Epistemology of Mistrust
    - Double Time for Jack: 24 in Light of Aesthetic Theory (more…)

  • UFOs. LOL

    August 6, 2007 @ 7:57 pm | by Shane

    The British ministry of defence has released last year’s UFO files, and the conclusive result? That there’s nothing conclusive about it. Except that there was a strange increase in sightings around Guy Fawke’s night.

    There have been, though, 11 sightings in the North over the past decade, according to seperate files. Hopefully, the peace dividend will encourage more UFO visits. Perhaps a large grant can be given to set up a North/South body charged with advertising the whole island as a great place to begin an alien invasion. (more…)

  • Great white elephant

    August 4, 2007 @ 10:05 am | by Shane

    This must have been a fun week to work in the Sun newspaper. But not a good one to be a marine biologist, lifeguard or mayor of a small-town beach resort. This week a monster arrived in Britain. It was called silly season. And it swallowed all before it. (more…)

  • It’s Senator Eoghan Harris. No, really.

    August 3, 2007 @ 2:26 pm | by Shane

    Eoghan Harris has been appointed to the Seanad. Boy, I bet he’s sorry he’s gone so hard on Bertie Ahern recently. Like this, on July 22:

    Bertie Ahern is such a person. It takes someone from outside our society to see him clearly and cherish his skills. As Alastair Campbell did in his diaries when he put Ahern on the same pedestal as Bill Clinton.

    Actually he is selling Ahern short. Clinton’s charm conceals a poor record in American domestic and foreign policy. Ahern has charm too, but it is only one of the many political skills he deployed to deliver an epic economy and peace in Northern Ireland. Not that this matters to a middle class media obsessed by the Mahon Tribunal. None so blind as those who think higher education took the wool from their eyes. Actually it only put another set of blinkers in place.

    It takes real guts to appoint one of your fiercest critics.

  • Dublin’s new sculpture: (insert witty nickname here)

    August 2, 2007 @ 9:22 pm | by Shane

    foam2.jpegYou may have seen the announcement that Antony Gormley has been commissioned to create a sculpture that will be two-thirds the height of Liberty Hall, in the Docklands (actually in the Liffey, according to the Irish Times) and close to the Sean O’Casey bridge. What might it look like? (more…)

  • Two pints, a packet of Tayto and a le Brocquy please

    August 1, 2007 @ 2:18 pm | by Shane

    Dublin’s Culture Night returns this year, on Friday September 14. It’ll be the second year in which various museums, galleries and other cultural venues open their doors until past their usual bedtimes. In this case, they’ll be up until 10pm - an extra hour on last year, when most closed at 9pm.

    This confused a lot of tourists, who only discovered that it was happening when it was too late to go to anything. (more…)

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