Terrible technology habits
You are not The Terminator. You are however, a dumbass.
Walking around with a GoPro on a stick
What is this about? Are you really going to invite your friends over to watch a live stream of a stroll? Unless you’re working on creating some snazzy video for a music festival or are a Russian trucker about to encounter a bizarre road accident, this is not a good look.
Selfies, worse still, Selfie sticks
I saw someone the other day (in real life, not in a Hello Kitty-themed dystopia) taking a selfie using some kind of stick, which I can only assumed was adapted from those rubbish-picker-uppers, taking a selfie a metre away from her body. End of days.
Checking your phone in company without excusing yourself
You got a text? I’m sitting right here beside you. WhatsApp notification? I’m sitting right here beside you. A phone call? I’m sitting right here beside you. Checking Facebook? I’m sitting right here beside you. Tweeting? I am here while what you’re tweeting about is happening – let’s talk about it!
Playing any kind of game on your phone
I played Bejewelled for the first time in I don’t know how long the other day and I feel dirty.
Getting into arguments on Facebook/Twitter with idiots
I know what you’re thinking: you’re going to be on your deathbed saying “I’m so glad I got stuck into all those unwinnable pointless arguments with people who were completely opposed to any point I made no matter how valuable and relevant it was!” Right? No.
Putting up pictures of people on the internet without asking
People who take loads of photos on a night out and then throw them all up on Facebook. I don’t remember giving you permission to do that. And if you did ask permission, you’d realise how weird “hey, can I put a photo of you holding a pint on the internet?” sounds.
Showing other people your Snapchats
Oh great, a shaky video message with something scrawled on it from someone I kind of know. Riveting.
Taking videos at gigs
Unless Bill Murray has stormed the stage naked at Rihanna, a “captured moment” will probably be better remembered if you’re watching the concert with your actual eyes, not through a screen. The people behind you don’t want to watch the show through your screen either. Put it down.
Ice bucket challenges, necknominate idiocy – well done, you have officially revealed yourself as an easy to manipulate sheep-person.
Instagramming inspirational quotes
“Please stop this now” – Anonymous.
iPhone street zombie
Evolution is great. However, humans have not yet reached the point where they can look at their phone while walking down the street and simultaneously see where they’re going. Look up.
Googling without thinking
Before you’ve struggled for half a second to think about the name of that movie, song, restaurant, try thinking about it for a little bit longer before reaching for your phone. Your brain with thank you.
Checking TripAdvisor and its ilk for tips on where to eat
Would you trust the recommendation of someone screaming on the street about how a meal was worse than Hitler? No you wouldn’t. Sites like these are the bastion of hysterical pedants.