Una Mullally

Society, life and culture on the edge

Is this the worst idea for a film adaptation ever?

Sony are making a film about Tonka trucks. Yes, Tonka trucks. Sony is teaming up with Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions to make the film. You’d think Battleship would have scared everyone off making features about toys that don’t actually have …

Tue, Jun 12, 2012, 14:20

   

Sony are making a film about Tonka trucks. Yes, Tonka trucks. Sony is teaming up with Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions to make the film. You’d think Battleship would have scared everyone off making features about toys that don’t actually have any story lines. I wonder if Rihanna will be in this new one? Perhaps she will star as a JCB or something.

(image via Collider.com)

In the philanthropic spirit of giving movie studios some free pitches. Here are my ideas for films about inanimate objects.

POG
The Rock and Vin Diesel star as two opposing plastic discs in a duel to the death set in a post-apocalyptic vision of a futuristic dystopia in which all order has broken down, apart from THE RULE OF POG.

Fancy Paper
When Beth-Anne (Miley Cyrus) finds a a pile of fancy paper in her grandmother’s attic, she is transported (literally) back in time to the American Civil War during which an epic love story unfolds, as a stricken Confederate soldier (Ed Westwick) writes letters to his childhood sweetheart from the front. A tour de force of emotion.

Subbuteo
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain makes his live action debut in this Moneyball meets The Hunger Games coming-of-age blockbuster where the real goal is finding your inner strength. With explosions.

Bucking Bronco
Robert Downey Junior and Eddie Murphy star in this buddy movie where two mismatched city slickers who also happen to be long lost step-brothers inherit their grand-uncle’s ranch, only to discover that they have their work cut out for them when a meddling – yet street smart – bucking bronco has other plans for the ranch’s future.

Super Soaker
Waterworld  prequel.