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  • irishtimes.com - Posted: June 30, 2010 @ 8:25 pm

    The ‘Spy’ Next Door

    Deaglán de Bréadún

    It’s only a matter of time before there is a Hollywood blockbuster made out of the story of the alleged Russian spies living in US suburbia. One of the couples was called Murphy and there is talk of an Irish passport being used.

    I was particularly taken with this extract from our website report, detailing part of the case against Richard Murphy.

    Murphy, who was born in Philadelphia and lives in New Jersey, flew from Newark to Rome last February, where he was instructed to collect an Irish passport in the name of Eunan Gerard Doherty before flying on to Moscow, according to the criminal complaint filed by FBI officers.

    The alleged spy was told to carry Time   magazine and wait outside the Libreria shop near San Giovanni subway station in Rome. The passport was described in communications as an old “transit passport”.

    He had to wait for a contact to approach and say: “Excuse me, could we have met in Malta in 1999?” Murphy was told to reply: “Yes indeed, I was in La Valetta, but in 2000.”

    The story is reminiscent of the old (fictional) yarn about the Russian secret agent dispatched to a small Welsh village to meet a spy called Jones.

    When he meets Jones, the Russian is supposed to say, “The red cow is in the meadow” and the Welshman has to reply: “The green crow flies at dawn”.

    Our Russian friend fetches up at the local tavern at an early hour and knocks on the door. The landlord opens an upstairs window and asks, bleary-eyed: “Who are you looking for, then?”

    The Russian replies: “Misther Djonz.”

    Tavernkeeper: “Is that Jones the baker, Jones the postman, Jones the milkman, or Jones the chimneysweep?”

    Russian (after a pause): “The red cow is in the meadow.”

    Tavernkeeper: “Ah, that’ll be Jones the Spy you’re after!”

    (It’s the way I tell ‘em.)

    • Kynos says:

      Niall Toibin used tell one too. LOL. You couldn’t tell it now well you could ’twas harmless but it wouldn’t be exactly currently amazing these days the punchline. Not so amazing.

    • Kynos says:

      Ah no seriously very funny more of the same pls Deaglán makes a nice change from the grumpiness :)

    • Kynos (with apologies to Mr Toibin. And everyone else whups) says:

      “The firm position of the Government in relation to the fraudulent use of Irish passports was a matter of public record, the spokesman said.”!!!?!?!? Hah every single time an Irish passport’s presented to the Immigration desk of some post-colonial society anywhere it’s fraudulent. And has been since March 2003. Because as far as the Immigration Desk of Wherever The Butcher’s Aprons Have Waved Beneath The Setting Suns the Irish passport represents a country that as far as they’re concerned has never betrayed Her cause to cowardice inhumanity and rapine. Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun yodelled Noel Coward but he could have dispensed with the tautology.

    • Jonathan says:

      I look forward to hearing about a Russian diplomet getting expelled from Ireland over this. But on second thoughts, I won’t hold my breath.

    • Kynos says:

      Feckit always feel bad when i’ve had a lash at anyone on this bb I laughed when I read yer joke it was told very well ok

    • Desmond FitzGerald says:

      How is it possible that it seems to be so easy to get hold of IRish passports – aren’t they all meant to be linked into computers and the like? Or is someone in Fianna Fáil selling them off to raise funds for the party/a person like they did before?

    • kynos says:

      I don’t know if this case is quite analagous to the recent one involving the Israeli state’s deliberate production of a forged Irish passport in order to facilitate the murder of someone. I mean perhaps in principle it is. As in States forging other States’ passports gives rise to a potential situation wherein passports of any State are no longer trusted and taken at face value. Short step from there to the currencies.

    • Tippi says:

      v funny Deaglán — check out the link below (especially the CNN video) and note that for the more “propaganda susceptible” American citizen that “The Russians” have again become “The Soviets”
      http://lena-globalchaos.blogspot.com/2010/06/did-you-hear-did-you-hear-news.html

    • ruby tuesday says:

      The old ones are the best Deaglan as you should know!

    • Mabye I should tell more jokes. This blog needs to lighten up!

    • rubydubz says:

      Richard Murphy..aka Dick Tayta….? You ‘avin a barf mate?
      If I was German I mght be minded to say… Like the Murphy’s I’m not Bitte…!

    • rubydubz says:

      Come to think of it Dick Tayta could be German…take it on the chin chaps…you did win the footie…! bit cerebrally challenged…end of working week almost…creme-crackered!

    • rubylicious says:

      I suppose you could say it’s a case of ‘The Spud who came in from the Cold’….!

    • He’s had his chips now :D

    • Spudowski says:

      More likely to have had his kartoflyanki……I’ll be dad..
      I’d say he doesn’t know whether he’s been mashed, biled or rumbledethumped be this stage…
      A despot/ato state of affairs altogether, pratai/ing for the Comeraderie like that…
      A good Boxty on the ear he needs and no mistake…
      May he be sent to the nearest Gulag to live on a diet of podata peelin’s and be glad to ate ‘em shkins an all…
      Zrazy …


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