Shakespearean Spamodrama
Deaglán de Bréadún
Like the rest of you, I normally just delete these begging letters that turn up as spam on my email. But because the guy’s name was similar to that of someone I know, I opened this one and read it. Macbeth, Hamlet: eat your hearts out.
Or maybe I should say Dr Crippen. This guy claims his father was poisoned by a business associate and that he himself was nearly poisoned by an uncle. Maybe this is my way out of the recession: what do you think? How did this fellow get my email address? Do these people exist or is some bored academic writing these tracts when he should be completing a thesis on the Bard? Or, taking a more humane approach and setting aside the lurid details, is it a desperate plea for help from a poor soul in a dire situation? Spelling and punctuation as in original:-
Permit me to inform you my heart desire for a business relationship with
you. I got your contact when I was searching for a foreign partner here in Abidjan
republic of Cote D’Ivoire on my search for honest and reliable person. I
prayed over it and decided to confide in you because your integrity and educational
background.My father was a very wealthy Gold/Diamond dealerin Freetown, the
economic capital of Sierra Leone.My father was poisoned to death by his close
business associates on one of their outings on a business trip.My mother died when I was 15 years old and since then my father took me so
special.Before the death of my father last year on match 19th 2006, in a
private hospital in Freetown, he secretly called me by his bed side and
told me of a deposit of 26 million united state dollars (Twenty Six MILLION
DOLLARS)he concealed in a VERSUS Bank on the 2nd of JANUARY 2005 that he used my name been the only son as the next of kin when he deposited the money.He warned me that because of enemy that he was poisoned by his close
associates.He also advised me to seek for an honest foreigner in a country of
my choice those associates will not hurt me as they have succeeded in
poisoning him.For your information , it has been difficult to know who is an honest
person to assist me in this transaction , and for me to continue silent over
looking for assistance while my money is in the bank i decided to make a try
from you, I arrived here (ABIDJAN) in a nearby country on the 28RD of airprel 2006,
since my uncle wants to kill me because of this certificate of depositsas he have
suceeded in collecting all my father’s property left with this money;They
continuously mal-treated me, and have made life very unbearable for
me.The wife serve me a delicious poisoned rice meal last time,but for the Devine
mercy the daughter secretly whispered to me not to eat the meal; i wasted the
meal to the bin only to find two dead rat on the bin the following morning
and that made me to run away immediately. And i don’t want to stay long here since i know nobody or much money to pay for hotel bill.
Dear, I honourably seek your assistance in the following ways:
1.To stand as my late father’s foreign partner since my late father deposited
it to be clem by his foreign partner and no name was mentioned,
2.To help me come over to your country to further my education.Please my
intention is not to disturb your Peace,but because l am sincerely in need,And
desperately need a solution before my life is wasted because there is war in
this country.Among all, the most important thing is for you to be aiding
me as parent who will directing all my affair es and doings in your country.
Lastly ,you will promise me that you will not betray or deny me if this my
money gets into your bank account and country,Dear, I am ready to offer you 20% of the total money for your help.But if may be you are not in better position to help. Please let me know. So that I can look for another helper. I am with the certificate of deposit upon demand. I will show you.Looking forward to your kind reply soonest and may God bless you.
Sincerely
Yours.
