A song you just can’t wipe from your memory
Behold, the worst song of the year
A few months ago, The Ticket interviewed Ezra Koenig from Vampire Weekend. A smart and articulate observer of pop’s comings and goings, Koenig mused a bit about how you’d create the perfect pop tune.
“If somebody took the temperature of pop for the last five years, people would think that America had been invaded by the European sensibilities of dance music and there was also the big use of AutoTune.
“Based on that information, if you’d tried to predict the next big band or hut, you’d think it would be dancey, electronic with big beats. But the next big band turned out to be Mumford & Sons. If I tried to create a Frankenstein song based on what was cool, it would be impossible.”
Little did Koenig realise what was just around the corner. Someone out there had already done the exact same maths and had arrived at the musical abomination to beat all musical abominations.
Here is “Wake Me Up” deconstructed: sludgy EDM from the Swedish DJ numptie, an awful lyrical mantra from Blacc and the worst trad rave-up since the “Irish Clubland” album rejigged “Fields of Athenry”, “Wild Rover” and “Whiskey in the Jar” into Euro-dance anthems. It’s music as concept blockbuster movie flop. Words alone can’t describe the sheer, awful, unrelentless terror. I’m crying writing this. Press play on the following video with caution. NSFW? NS full stop
Because “Wake Me Up” has been a huge ol’ hit, you can be sure that there will be many more frights like this coming soon to your radio. Pop loves finding a formula and then beating the damn thing into submission. We’re doomed.