Jim Carroll

Music, Life and everything else

Celebrity On The Record

When On The Record was known as Discotheque, I used to occasionally do a column (like this one) where I came up with a rake of TV show ideas. It was easy work because ideas for TV shows are always …

Tue, Nov 27, 2007, 11:56

   

When On The Record was known as Discotheque, I used to occasionally do a column (like this one) where I came up with a rake of TV show ideas. It was easy work because ideas for TV shows are always half man, half biscuit. I was forced to stop doing the columns when it became obvious that a bunch of researchers and producers in RTE were paying attention. I mean, how else can you explain how a 2004 idea for a show called Radio Sweethearts about a bunch of celebs running a radio station turned into Charity 252?

But it struck me last night, when I caught the end of Celebrity Painting & Decorating, that there is obviously still some mileage left in the no-brainer idea of shipping in some so-called celebrities to bulk out a format.

This show featured Linda Martin (unlike any Irish Times writer, she once won the Eurovision) and Kevin Sharkey (and, also unlike Irish Times writers, he’s an artist with a Donegal accent) putting up shelves, picking curtains and doing a spot of painting in two showhouses in some dreary looking estate somewhere in the country. They were accompanied by a very excited man wearing a tight jumper who oohed and aahed at all their ideas. Linda Martin’s reaction when she won would seem to indicate that she thought this was the best thing to happen to her since she got a metaphorical elbow in the ribs from Brendan O’Connor on You’re (Never Ever Ever Going To Be) A Star. She may even get another TV show out of it.

There’s probably a top-secret division out in Montrose charged with coming up with these ideas to keep the Irish celebrity class off the streets. Maybe they’ve already considered a couple of Celebrity Angelus slots (Twink stops making a cup of tea to stare moodily into the distance where Dave McSavage is weeding the garden). How about Celebrity Crimewatch (I’m sure some RTE producer could sweet-talk Keith Duffy into fronting this)? Or Celebrity Oireachtas Report (replace Miche├íl Lehane with some rugby player for a week and the ratings would soar)? Or Celebrity Prime Time Investigates (Graham Cruz and one of the fellows from Westlife – any of them – examine the sub-prime mortgage lending sector in Ireland)? Celebrity Ear To The Ground (Gerald Kean and Bill Cullen tackle the causes of mastitis and diarrhea in cattle)? Remember where you read it first.

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