Rosemary Mac Cabe

Hemlines, heels and haute couture – your daily dose

Met Gala 2012 – the also-rans

Yes, it’s Met Gala day! I know, so exciting! And it’s La Wintour! I’m sure the nice folks at PETA are only raged, which means I love it. Although … I’m not sure I love it. It’s Prada, does that …

Wed, May 9, 2012, 13:30

   

Yes, it’s Met Gala day! I know, so exciting! And it’s La Wintour! I’m sure the nice folks at PETA are only raged, which means I love it. Although … I’m not sure I love it. It’s Prada, does that mean I should love it? Nyeh.

This saddens me, because Zac Posen seems lovely, and I loved Amber Heard in that Playboy TV programme whose name I have forgotten and whose plot was really awful and basically just a way to put her in a bunny costume and have Eddie Cibriani look unconscionably hot 24/7. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with that scenario.

I have been holding my journalistic tongue about ScarJo because I feel I have a duty to be relatively impartial, but, despite the fact that she looks like a delightful meringue in this costume, I have this to say: f*ck you, ScarJo. I can not stand your insufferable face, and I wish someone in the Avengers Assemble movie had thought to get as sick of looking at your ass as I did after three minutes.

Sarah Jessica Parker! And Valentino! Love! Mostly because her dress reminds me of curtains from my childhood. So nostalgic.

Mary-Kate, I love you! Even if you look like a haggard old lady. Who am I kidding? I love haggard old ladies! They’re the only reason I ever go to the Marks & Spencer rooftop café. It is full of old people. It’s the old folks’ Mecca.

Y’know, I don’t hate this as much as the world seems to. I love that K-Stew takes chances, and her shoes remind me of the very pair I put in today’s column! I have a finger on the pulse, kittens, you heard it here first.

Jessica Biel, hear this: EASE UP ON THE COSMETIC SURGERY.

If Robert Downey Jr were there, he would never have let this happen. That is all.

Why is Florence Welch even there?! With Sarah Burton and Cate Blanchett, of all things. How ridiculous. My whole world is askew.

Who wouldn’t want to go for drinks with this girl? Not me. But I’d lend her a pair of jeans first, because I’m kind of afraid that if she sat down I’d see her lady garden.

I love this photograph, for the purity of the diagonal line. That is about all I love in it, although I can appreciate that Elizabeth Banks is taking her Hunger Games character to heart. Is she going to dress like this until the trilogy is complete?

Lovely shoes, excellent Bjork sentiment. Christina needs to come out to play more often.

Another metallic wonder, and another dress I really like. With all of that forgiving draping, I would totally wear that. I love a bit of draping, I do. I, however, would not age as badly as Cameron Diaz because I have meat on my bones. It helps one age less quickly, you know.

So there you have it! Some people wore great dresses, some did not, and I am going to age much better than Cameron. Aren’t you glad you made it this far?

 

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