Rosemary Mac Cabe

Hemlines, heels and haute couture – your daily dose

The Golden Globes 2012 redux

In other words, the mother of all awards ceremony posts, where I give you the lowdown on who wore what – and we end on a jauntily beautiful photograph of Patrick Stewart. Let’s have at it! I’ve started off with …

Tue, Jan 17, 2012, 10:30

   

In other words, the mother of all awards ceremony posts, where I give you the lowdown on who wore what – and we end on a jauntily beautiful photograph of Patrick Stewart. Let’s have at it!

I’ve started off with the worst of the bunch so that things can only get better. I like to call this the Tullamore debs contingent. Natalie Portman, what were you thinking?! Salma Hayek can be forgiven because she makes sexy debs-y decisions a lot, but having a baby has obviously made you crazy. This confirms what I’ve suspected all along: Black Swan was not that great.

Then we have the sexy mermaid crew. Elle Macpherson’s outfit amused me because some clever soul at Getty had the wit to zoom in her very wrinkly age-belying hand in one of the “detail” shots. She looks like Sea World Barbie, if Sea World Barbie were created in a world where all Barbies had to look 55. Perhaps Mutton-Dressed-As-Lamb Barbie would be more accurate. As for Lea Michele, ah, how her posing makes me laugh, but really? A naked dress? Don’t you play a 16-year-old on Glee?

Sofia Vergara (top right) was obviously going to go sexy mermaid; in every interview she makes reference to how she is (a) Latina and (b) proud of her curves. What would a Latina who was proud of her curves wear, if not sexy mermaid garb?

As for Nicole Richie, the less said about that 1970s throwback fringe and heavy make-up combo, the better.

There are always a number of women – such as George Clooney’s beard, or, y’know, girlfriend – who go the scarlet route. Emma Stone disappointed me – a few short weeks ago I had her pipped as the ultimate game-changer, although I did love Reese Witherspoon, mostly because she looked so very delighted with herself. Dianna Agron’s gown was interesting, which is always a positive, and I love Viola Davis, even if I found her choice uninspired.

And from red to nude. Yawn! I’m always hoping Angelina will make a break from black, but now that she’s brought out this Versace number, I yearn for the simpler days of yore. Piper Perabo at least tried something different in this Theyskens Theory dress, and Jessica Biel’s dress was gorgeous, but she has definitely done something very ill-advised to her formerly beautiful face. (Yes, Jessica Alba is there again; so sue me, collages are hard to keep track of.)

Nicole Kidman, really, nude, again? You are pale, which is great, but please, colour! Emerald green, anyone? And Kristen Wiig looks great, but I prefer her as a blonde, even though I hated Bridesmaids. (I know, I’m a contrarian.) Charlize’s dress was quite beautiful, if a little Wedding Barbie, and both Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Chastain bored me to tears, even though Chastain is in Givenchy OMG AMAZING AMAZING or something.

There’s always going to be a huge monochrome division and, honestly, the black dresses make me sad so I can’t get into them, but I’m not alone in loving Claire Danes’s look – although, it’s not quite the winner for me. That would be …

Laura Dern! I loved her in Jurassic Park and now I love her in green sequins. Just gorgeous – both the colour and the shape suit her down to the ground.

Speaking of colour, there was quite a bit of it on the red carpet. Paula Patton and Maria Menounos dazzled in yellow, while Jenna Dewan-Tatum (you know, from Step Up) brought out the bright green, which I would have loved to have seen on Mila Kunis (who’s up there in the monochrome pile, in boring Dior). Kelly Osbourne’s blue number reminded me of something you’d make yourself with your Aldi sewing machine, and I really don’t like her grey hair (plus, hello 2010!).

Lastly, we have the “taking chances” brigade! Madonna’s chance backfired, in that she looks like Ursula the sea witch, but I loved Sarah Michelle Gellar smiling her head off so much that I didn’t even care what she was wearing. Tilda Swinton … well. She looked very Tilda, didn’t she? Michelle Williams’s dress offended me, so bland did I find it, although I was buoyed by Zooey Deschanel’s Prada-neon mash-up. Now, to the piece de resistance:

You’re welcome!

Now, tell me: who did it for you? Whose look did you love? Whose look did you hate? Have at it in the comments!

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