A day in the life of Rihanna: AMA edition
Hello, earthlings! I’m Halle Berry! You may recognise me from that Sindo spread in which I looked exactly like Victoria Beckham, or from that film I won an Oscar for therefore becoming the first African American woman in history to …
Hello, earthlings! I’m Halle Berry! You may recognise me from that Sindo spread in which I looked exactly like Victoria Beckham, or from that film I won an Oscar for therefore becoming the first African American woman in history to win the best actress Oscar, and denying myself of all future taglines that aren’t “Halle Berry, the first African American woman to win an Oscar”, which irks me, to be frank, because I would quite have liked “Halle Berry, the woman who did or didn’t simulate sex in that film she won an Oscar for” or “Halle Berry, Bond girl and single mother”. ANYWAY, I’m just here to tell you that . . . oh, what?
ZOMG! I’m not Halle Berry, I’m Rihanna, Grammy award-winning songstress and ex-girlfriend of that brutish Chris Brown! I got so confused there for a moment, what with my Halle Berry clothing and my amazing curly hair, but now I am back to being Rihanna, except that I’m wearing something very . . . well, it’s a lot. There’s a lot of fabric going on here. I feel quite constricted (constricted but happy). Why, no one can even see my toned physique!
Oh thank GOD! The nightgown moment! You’d best hope I don’t get too into this swinging, because you just don’t know what might pop out! It wouldn’t be suitable for daytime television! Isn’t the AMAs broadcast live?! Well, you guys are in for a TREAT when this unsightly wrap comes off, because I have been WORKING OUT! And I am BUFF! Don’t believe me?!
A-ha! TAKE THAT, doubters! I am Rihanna, HEAR ME ROAR!