All I want for Christmas is a his ‘n’ hers light aircraft

The Society for the Containment of Christmas won’t be too happy, but with postal strikes hitting the UK and the possibility remaining of a fresh econaclypse / swine flu outbreak between now and December 25th, there’s not a moment too soon to turn your attention to this year’s Christmas runners and riders… the grown-up gifts that are not as boring as “grown-up gifts” sounds… the goodies that probably won’t be coming my way, but somebody somewhere will have the joy of giving/receiving sometime before we leave this debacle of a decade behind us.

1. An e-reader: With a new generation of tablet devices on the cusp of being launched into the techie-verse, the long-term practical benefits of single-function e-readers are far from certain. But then the ghosts of Christmas past are haunted with gadgets of varying degrees of dodgy-ness. Amazon says its Kindle e-reader (circa €240) is currently its top-selling product - more popular even than Dan Brown. Buyers will have to weigh up the aesthetic pleasures of, say, a metallic hot pink Sony Reader Pocket (€199) versus a smartly jacketed hardback.
Pros: You get to flatter your intended gift recipient by alluding to the fact that they’re a big reader without actually having to make a hazardous guess as to their taste in literature.
Cons: They’re no iPhone.

2. Nintendo Wii: Despite the best efforts of erstwhile children’s TV presenters Ant and Dec to flog the delights of Nintendo’s goodies to thirtysomething kidults, sales of the Japanese company’s flagship Wii consoles are something of a dwindling fire, according to a trading update issued this week, which blamed a lack of strong software titles. Now Wii Fit Plus, the new edition of Wii Fit, has been given official backing from the NHS, which should help introduce the joys of virtual hula-hooping and ski slalom to fans of living room fitness.
Pros: Excellent “gateway drug” to real games, apparently.
Cons: Avoid the Wii Fit add-on if you want to avoid “do you think I’m fat” style accusations of insensitivity on Christmas day.

3. An Icon A5 light sport aircraft: As advertised in the Christmas catalogue for upmarket US retailer Neiman Marcus. The “his ‘n’ hers” light aircraft will set you back €167,000 and comes with luxury fittings and flight training for two. Over to the brochure: “The kids are healthy. The careers are under control… You’ve earned something special, just for the two of you… Something amazing, exciting, and most certainly romantic. How about turning sci-fi into reality with a his & hers luxury sports vehicle - in the air.”
Pros: The wings fold up for easy storage. If you’ve got a massive garage.
Cons: Won’t be delivered until 2011.

4. Gold bars: Ditch the ice, this year there’s nothing that says recession-proof like a slab of shiny gold - and no one can say you’re not staying true to the spirit of Christmas. The price of gold has soared this year to more than $1,000 an ounce, as super-rich investors failed to find anything as steadfastly valuable as precious metals to pour their cash into. Now Harrods is selling bars of pure Swiss gold bullion, ranging from a lipstick-sized 1g to a standard issue 12.5kg block, and they’re all on display in a mini-vault on its lower ground floor.
Pros: Will cost at least six digits, but if gold prices keep climbing, you can make a profit if you decide to bring it back to the shop. Maybe.
Cons: You could pick up Gold: The Best of Spandau Ballet for less than a tenner instead.

5. Nothing: Dislike the commercialism of Christmas? Not really in the light aircraft league? Express your disdain by purchasing a big ball of Nothing this festive season, courtesy of iwantoneofthose.com. The tagline: “This lovingly crafted vial of emptiness is filled to the brim with unfettered nothingness. Free from the burden of possessions, the weight of responsibility, Nothing is as idiotic as it is brilliant.”
Pros: You can get Nothing gift-wrapped.
Cons: Might prompt an awkward ”very funny, now where’s my real present” response.

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