Archery for dummies and the sad elimination of George Bovell III

01:18: We received a comment yesterday from ‘Disraelite.’ It read:

‘What is the point of all this?’

Be assured, Disraelite, we ask ourself that very question each night. When we have arrived at a satisfactory answer, you will be first to know.

01:28: Splendid. Barry Davies is commentating on a replay of the GB v
New Zealand women’s hockey match.

01:32: ‘I find it very difficult to understand what’s going on.’ Barry Davies, oracle of sports commentary, finds his omniscience has deserted him as he struggles to understand why a GB goal has been disallowed. We wager he’d have had less trouble grappling with the technical complexities of a disallowed New Zealand goal.

01:54: ‘You can’t score an own goal in the sport of hockey.’ Barry makes a fine recovery from his lapse into ignorance earlier.

02:21:  A member of the British archery team, Alison Williamson, is presenting a short guide to the discipline on BBCi. This is presumably aimed at that small and churlish rump of the sporting public who have not yet been seduced by the glamour and white knuckle excitement of archery.

02:45: The men’s 100m sprint is described as ‘the blue riband’ on BBC. We thought the 100m freestyle was the blue riband. Sort it out, BBC.

02:47: Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt actually appears to jog 100m in 10.2 seconds. The world record holder wins his heat. He has the air of a man ambling across the road to avoid still-distant traffic.

02:54: Bolt’s compatriot Asafa Powell also wins his 100m heat. He has the air of a man hotfooting it towards the last Nitelink as it begins to pull away.

03:01: Swimming: The magnificently named George Bovell III of
Trinidad is competing in the men’s 50m freestyle semi-final.

03:03: We are sorry to report that George Bovell III finished sixth, proving that a funny name that includes a numeral will only get you so far in life.

03:15: American Rebecca Soni defeats favourite Liesel Jones to win the women’s 200m breaststroke final. ‘I thought she was going to just sit on Jones’ hip,’ says RTE’s Nick O’Hare. But Soni eschews hip-sitting tactics. Oh yeah, there was a new world record.

03:19: The men’s 200m backstroke final is about to commence. Nick O’Hare makes another alarming comment: ‘I expect Gregor Tait to die over the second 100 metres,’ Ah here, Nick, give the lad a chance.

03:22: Ryan Lochte of the
US wins the men’s 200m backstroke final.

Decipher this anagram: nwe wodrl rcorde.

03:22: Gregor Tait, in bold defiance of Nick O’Hare, was still displaying robust vital signs at the race’s end.

03:33: Asafa Powell is receiving treatment for abdominal pain by the track. Must have been that kebab he had just before running for the Nitelink.

03:53: Michael Phelps finishes last in the men’s 200m individual medley final.

03:53: That was a lie.

04:01: Archery time on BBCi. We are informed that Korean marksman Lee Chang-Hwan used to have a 1,200-arrow-a-day habit. These days he’s cut down to a healthier three or four hundred. He could quit any time he wanted, man.

04:06: The match is held up while an Olympic functionary with a magnifying glass scrutinizes an arrow. Another pulsating night in the archery arena.

04:10: Lee Chang-Hwan has lost. He’ll be hitting the arrows hard tonight.

04:38: In women’s gymnastics, which is really girls’ gymnastics, the competitors are performing their routines on the asymmetric bars. We’ve been in a few asymmetric bars at this hour of the morning too.

05:02: All Night Olympics is a gymnastics ignoramus and can make no distinction between a 14.175 and a 16.725. Everything looks superb. It is all an elegant flurry of limbs.

05:17: Women’s beach volleyball receives an enormous amount of coverage on BBCi. We have no idea why.

05:21: It’s Greece v
Australia on the court. From the PA: that piece of Greek music that becomes progressively faster (is it from Zorba The Greek?). A man exhorts the crowd to clap along thus: ‘Faster! Faster! Top speed!!’ This is something we do not wish to hear at half five in the morning.

05:42:  ‘You can storm in like Godzilla and still end up on the flat of your back.’

The Japanese monster crashes out of the 5,000kg category in judo. Or perhaps it was a German fighter.