Share your story: Do you have a narcissistic parent?

Do you have a narcissistic parent?

The question emerges from a piece by Emma O’Friel, published in our Health section this morning. In the article, O’Friel explores what is known as “family scapegoating” - a sort of blame-game which can occur within family dynamics.

“Dr Jane Hollingsworth, a clinical psychologist in Virginia, US, describes family scapegoating as typically involving a needy, narcissistic parent (often the mother) whose ego is grounded in portraying a certain image. A child who threatens this image is targeted by the parent to make them comply. What constitutes a threat can be a seemingly innocuous detail – birth order, similarities, differences, physical appearance, even the child having a birth date close to that of the narcissistic parent. The scapegoat child, for whatever reason, evokes a negative feeling in the parent – jealousy, dislike, regret – that the parent is unable to confront in themselves and is socially unacceptable. A more palatable explanation is that the child is to blame, and must change or be punished.”

There are key characteristics of “family scapegoating”, which can endure into adulthood. They include: the scapegoating parent is a fragile, needy, often narcissistic personality; a difference is noted in one child, who threatens the parent’s image and the family myth; and a double standard is set up with different rules for the scapegoat.

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If you feel you identify with the above themes, or the ones explored in more depth within O’Friel’s article, The Irish Times would like to hear about your experiences.

If you would like to share your story anonymously, please use the form below. The Irish Times will curate a selection of submissions for publication in an article, but please note your submission may not be published.