All you can do is trust them

A few words in their ear well before teens head off could help settle parental nerves, says SHEILA WAYMAN

IT IS WITH a sense of dread that parents wave off teenagers on their first unsupervised holiday – particularly if it is as part of a big gang who have just done their Leaving Cert.

In a mob, the lowest common denominator applies, says one parent who reluctantly let her 18-year-old son go to Cyprus with his school mates last year. Let’s face it, young, Irish and over there is a trio of risk factors for over-indulgence in drink – and all that follows.

But there is no telling them. “If you go into a litany, they just switch off,” says Deirdre Curtin, a volunteer with Parentline.

However, teenagers really are better than you think they are, she says reassuringly. “They will already know among their friends who drinks excessively and they are pretty good at monitoring that – even the boys are.”

All you can do is trust them and give them support. Before they leave, she suggests, they need to know that they can call home any time of day or night if something happens that upsets them and that you will be non-judgmental.

Parents may take out insurance policies for their teenagers and top up their mobile phones with credit but what is also essential, according to the director of the Crisis Pregnancy Agency, Caroline Spillane, is that they make the time to discuss calmly sexual behaviour – values and boundaries.

The average age for first sex in Ireland is 17, she points out, so there is no point pretending it is not on the agenda. Equally, teenagers should not feel that they are required to be sexually active and they can benefit from practical advice on how to deal with pressures from within their group.

Parents may find looking at the agency’s thinkcontraception.ie website, which is directed at young adults, helpful before that chat, Spillane suggests. “And don’t leave it to a chance comment at the airport departure lounge – that’s too late.”

Rape Crisis Network Ireland doesn’t believe in issuing a list of dos and don’ts to holidaying teenagers.

“Everybody, young and old, who goes on holiday is trying to get away from the rules and strictures they live with the rest of the year,” says its communications and policy director Clíona Saidléar. It is natural to take more chances – but unfortunately one consequence can be sexual assault.

The network advises young people to: “Trust your instincts; respect yourself; don’t be afraid to walk away or make a fuss if you encounter unacceptable behaviour; keep a look out for each other and don’t support somebody who is making another person uncomfortable.”

While teenagers are naturally dismissive of parental advice that they regard as an attempt to spoil their party, they should be aware that for a few of them it is going to end in tears. So put it this way, they need to know the things that could ruin their holiday and how to avoid them.

1 ALCOHOL POISONINGDrinking faster than your body can metabolise the alcohol puts you at risk of potentially fatal alcohol poisoning. As part of a crowd in a hot climate, you may drink quicker and in greater quantities than you are used to.

Dehydration and lack of food accelerate the intoxicating effect.

A hangover ruins the next day – anything worse and you could be visiting the local hospital. See “Booze and Sun Holidays” on drinkaware.ie.

2 ACCIDENTOf course the more you drink, the more likely you are to have an accident – and be aware that insurance policies have a general disclaimer in event of incidents while under the influence of drink or drugs.

Keep out of the water if you’ve been drinking alcohol. Even people who are stone cold sober should stay away from mopeds, advises travel counsellor Elaine O’Brien who handles holiday bookings for young groups. “They never listen and somebody always ends up half dead.”

3 ROBBERYThe more cash you have, the greater the potential loss and flashing it around may invite a mugging. An ATM card is the safest option. At least one person in the group should rent a safe deposit box where passports can be left.

4 SEXUAL ASSAULTThe most likely perpetrator of sexual assault will not be a local in the resort but somebody you know and think you can trust – within your own, or associated, group.

So it is not so much about protecting yourself against strangers but being savvy about the people around you. The line beloved of bullies, “it’s just for laughs”, should be a red flag to all who hear it, suggests Clíona Saidléar of Rape Crisis Network Ireland.

5 BEING ARRESTEDThere is no reason to think that the drugs which are illegal at home are any more legal over there. You really don't want to see the inside of a foreign police cell or get first-hand experience of the local judicial system.

6 SUNSTROKEWhile increasing your chances of developing skin cancer may not be an immediate concern, skimping on the suncream and/or falling asleep in the sun can result in painful burns or even land you in hospital with sunstroke.