Old look for new year as Enda slips on Bertie's anorak

DAIL SKETCH:ENDA BUSTLED up to the Merrion Street gates for the first day back, full of beans meanz business.

All set for the new session. Must crack on. Work to do.

It should have looked encouraging, yet there was something disconcerting about the Taoiseach yesterday morning.

What was it? Then the penny dropped. (Those of a delicate disposition may want to skip the next line.) Enda was wearing an anorak.

That’s right. A full-blown, Bertie-style anorak.

God help us.

The Opposition has been banging on for months about the new Government bearing worrying similarities to the crowd that went before it. And here was Enda, living proof that this may be the case.

Combating the recession through regression? Say it ain’t so, Taoiseach.

Of course, he might have dressed down deliberately in order to impress the Dour Horsemen of the Austerity who are currently trawling through the nation’s accounts from their Spartan billet in the Merrion Hotel.

Richard Boyd-Barrett of People Before Profit, in fairness to him, was dressed to impress the bailout boys in jeans and a hoodie.

“Would you publicly invite the troika into this chamber for a special sitting of the Dáil or of the finance committee?” he asked the Taoiseach.

Deputy Boyd-Barrett painted an alarming picture of representatives of the ECB, EU and IMF “injecting the poison of austerity” into the people of Ireland from the comfort of the Merrion Hotel.

He made it sound like the plot of a science fiction novel.

They should be hauled into the Dáil for a grilling.

His suggestion was met with snorts of laughter, but little else. At first, Enda didn’t deign to reply. Isn’t it enough that he had to come to work in an anorak? (He’ll have to tell Mary Mitchell O’Connor to tone down on the bling for the next fortnight, just to be on the safe side.) Eventually, he indicated that Richard’s request would not he entertained. “You can’t attend at the Duma if not elected,” he remarked, by way of explanation.

“It’s beginning to look like Tsarist Russia here,” sniffed a disgruntled Boyd-Barrett.

Actually, it was beginning to look the same as always in Leinster House.

The Christmas break didn’t improve spirits nor did it bring about a new wave of enthusiasm from deputies. The Minister for Health sounded terrible. We later heard that he has trachea laryngitis. He was very bad at the weekend, but managed to haul himself in to announce that the number of people waiting on hospital trolleys has almost halved compared to the same time last year.

It was like they had never left, still fighting over the budget and rehearsing familiar arguments.

Enda says he is still determined to get the public finances in order and continuing to insist that his hands have been tied by the past deeds of the Fianna Fáil coalition.

Sinn Féin’s Gerry Adams tried to get into the swing of the season. He suggested the Taoiseach might adopt a new year’s resolution to keep the billions it has committed to rotten banks and put it into job creation.

Don’t be a “recycled” Fianna Fáil, he urged.

Enda’s started 2012 the way he ended 2011: with a baffling reply.

“I didn’t know you were colour blind, Deputy Adams,” he declared, as Gerry looked askance. “The colour here is blue and red.” Wha? Deputies on all sides scrunched up their faces and tried to work it out.

“What about the white in the middle,” asked Gerry, completely, and understandably, missing the Taoiseach’s point.

Enda had been referring to his jibe that the Government is beginning to look like a throwback to the last administration.

That couldn’t be, because Fianna Fáil’s colour is green. Fine Gael is blue and Labour is red. At least that’s what we think he meant.

The Taoiseach was quite happy to come over all cryptic – anything, if it took the spotlight away from the Christmas debacle over tax demand letters sent to pensioners.

That issue, which caused ructions over the past few weeks, had just been ventilated at a meeting of the Oireachtas finance committee. The chairwoman of the Revenue Commissioners, Josephine Feehily, issued an apology over the “confusion and distress” caused by the poor manner in which they approached this new tax trawl.

Thank God for Josephine. They got her in front of the committee just in time for the first Leaders’ Questions session of the year and her apology provided enough cover for Enda to sidle away from the controversy.

It was all Revenue’s fault. He didn’t know “the extent” of what they were doing.

Enda preferred to look on the bright side. He pointed to the €350 million investment in Westport’s Allergan plant, which was announced on Monday. That shows international investor confidence in Ireland.

We took to wondering if the Taoiseach has taken to sampling the most famous product of this company – Westport is now the Botox capital of the world.

And it’s younger looking that Enda’s getting. He looked very fresh-faced yesterday, complete with a lovely haircut and mini-quiff.

When he finally finishes as Taoiseach, what portrait will they hang in Leinster House? The official one of the eternally youthful looking Kenny or the picture of Dorian Blonde that he has hidden in an attic in Castlebar?

Overall, it was a dull opening to the new session. At the start of the day, we had high hopes, despite having seen Enda wearing the Bertie anorak.

Floating up the main stairs to the chamber, we felt like we were walking on air.

Until we realised that they’ve put in a new carpet.