How to be an LGBTQ+ ally: Don’t presume everyone is heterosexual and call out homophobic language

What’s an LGBTQ+ ally?

An LGBTQ+ ally is someone who actively supports the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. They stand up against discriminatory language or behaviour and promote equality.

Why do we need them?

Despite progress on marriage equality and gender recognition legislation in Ireland, it can still be difficult to come out as LGBTQ+, says Moninne Griffith, CEO of BeLonG To. “We are still worried sometimes about how people might judge us, or if it will change our relationships with parents, family, friends or co-workers,” says Griffith. A fear of rejection can make people anxious or worried.

How can I be an ally?

Being an ally isn’t a passive stance, it’s an active thing. “You do it, not just be it,” says Griffith.

“You do it by making sure that everybody knows you are an ally,” she says. “The number one thing for an ally to realise is that you don’t presume everyone is heterosexual. You can’t tell from looking at somebody they are LGBT, so you actively make sure that everybody knows you are an ally,” she says.

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You can let people know by visually signalling it. “Either on social media or in real life, send a visual cue to people. Wear a Pride pin or badge, put Pride things on your social media to indicate you are an ally – it’s about being visible,” says Griffith. Twitter, LinkedIn, your email signature – these are all places to signal to your network that you are an ally.

“You are sending a message to the people in your life that you are somebody safe and that they can be themselves with you. It says to a friend or a family member that you love them and that won’t change if they are LGBT.”

Call it out

If you see or hear homophobic or transphobic language, call it out, even if you think there is no one around that could be harmed or hurt. And yes, that includes casual banter. “Being an ally means not waiting for the LGBT person in the room to always be the one who has to correct people or stand up against prejudice,” says Griffith.

Don’t assume

In the workplace, at the school gate, within a family, don’t always assume everyone is heterosexual. “Keep your language neutral and open, for example, saying ‘boyfriend or girlfriend’, says Griffith. “This makes sure the person knows you are completely fine with that.”

There are no exact demographic figures, but it is estimated that up to 10 per cent of the global population is lesbian, gay or bisexual with fewer numbers identifying as transgender.

Keep things inclusive and avoid gender-based assumptions by using language like “significant other” or “partner”.

Out out

If someone tells you they are LGBTQ+, it’s not something you should share with others without their permission. “They might just be trying telling a few close friends first. They will make the decision about telling others themselves,” says Griffith.

Pronouns

Using your pronouns is a simple way for your trans and non-binary family, friends and co-workers to feel visible and valued, says Griffiths. “I am a woman, I identify as female so I use she/her pronouns in my email signature and when I am introducing myself to groups of people,” she says. This can start a conversation. “I use my pronouns because you may read me as female but I might be non-binary and I might use they/them pronouns and we can get into a conversation about that. It’s a way of showing solidarity with non-binary people.”