Eoin Butler's Q&A

JOHN HEALYformer Maitre d' on The Restaurant describes his wait for a new heart

Two patients on the waiting list for a heart transplant are rushed to hospital on short notice. It's Christmas. A heart has become available. What happened next?The co-ordinators had prepared me for every eventuality. They said, look, you may get it. You may not. The staff performed tests. Unfortunately, my kidney reading was too high. After six or seven hours, the doctor came back. He said: "There's no two ways to tell you, John. You didn't make it."

Were you very disappointed?Yes. As soon as I found out, I had to get out of the Mater. I had to go home.

Could you tell us how you ended up on the waiting list for a heart transplant?I had two heart attacks in my early forties: one in 2007, one in 2009. I was working too hard, smoking too much. My diet was dreadful. I lived on coffee, chips and toasted sandwiches. My stress levels were through the roof.

You had also been treated for alcohol abuse.Yes, I had been in rehab twice: once in 2001 and again in 2008. After my first stint in rehab, I was off the booze for six years. But I started drinking and smoking again after my first heart attack. I suppose I went back to a lot of the crutches that I used to lean on.

So it took two heart attacks for you to realise that a lifestyle change was in order?To be honest, I didn't really pay that much attention to the first heart attack. The serotonin levels in my system were up. So I was on a high for two or three months. Then I hit a wall of depression. That's when I started drinking and smoking. Lots of problems that I had in the past, the abuse in my childhood, they all came rushing back.

You were abused as a child in boarding school. Yes. The heart attacks were caused by my lifestyle. But was my lifestyle fuelled by my emotional state? I don't know. The abuse in my childhood was something that I had always been running away from. I'd touched on it through rehab. But I'd never really dealt with it properly.

Drinking, smoking, partying, junk food: which was the toughest to kick?None of them. It was a natural progression. You don't want to do what you used to do anymore. I don't ever want to run a restaurant again. I don't ever want to work in one. It's not a case of your wanting to change. It's a case of life changing you.

I've sometimes thought about living a healthier lifestyle. The biggest stumbling block would be rice cakes. You don't have to eat rice cakes, Eoin.

That's what I said. Whatever the alternative is, health-wise, it cannot be as bad as rice cakes. Look, I don't eat rice cakes. I never have. You don't have to either. You can eat what you want to eat, as long as it's healthy and clean and you don't overindulge.

While on the waiting list for a heart transplant, you re-embraced religion. I suppose, if someone was ever going to. . . I was abused by a priest when I was 12 or 13. So that was about as far as it went for me and religion. But I was always spiritually aware. Letting that spirit in was very important to me when I was sick. That was my help. That was my hope.

Where were you when you found out there was a heart for you?I was in my neighbours' apartment. Babysitting. The husband had come home early, so we were sitting having tea with the kids. When I got the call, and I saw the co-ordinator's number, I jumped up from the table. I knew it was my turn.

How long did you have to prepare for surgery?Well, I got the call at 7.30pm. I was in the hospital at 8pm and the operation went ahead at about 4.30am.

How long were you under anaesthetic?I didn't come out of it until the Thursday morning, so that would have been about a day and a half, or two days.

What's your first memory of waking up?I could feel the pressure of the blood going around in my hands and around my body. I could feel the strength of the pump of my new heart. I knew it had worked out.

Has your perspective changed on life now that you have a new heart?Of course. Nothing is more important to me than its safe keeping and survival. It's a gift that has been given to me and I feel a tremendous responsibility to take care of it. I feel very close to the donor. I know it's a man. That's all I know about him. Also, I'm pretty sure he's a straight man, because I'm suddenly watching GAA matches all the time.

Perfect Heart airs tomorrow at 9.30pm on RTÉ One